How To Successfully Interrogate Naruto
by LisayaTomago
Summary: Uzumaki Naruto can stand any sort of torture: electrocution, The Brazen Bull, probing. You name it. He would never betray his home village... unless of course, you use a special something against him.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of its characters. The brown-haired man is just someone that is needed. No idea who he is.**

**Inspired by 'Retrospect by Lanelle'**

ー ナルトー ナルトー ナルトー ナルトー ナルトー

"YOU'LL NEVER GET _ANYTHING_ OUT OF ME!" Naruto Uzumaki yelled with all the might and air his lungs could muster. "ARGHH!"  
>The pair of lungs finally ran out of air as his arms strained against the binding rope cutting into his skin, causing his chest to come down, heaving.<p>

A browned haired stranger sat across the bound ninja and swallowed the urge to sigh. Instead, he brought his face eye-level to Naruto's, allowing an aura of menace to radiate from the pores of his skin.

"If you refuse to give, we will have to utilise other… _nasty_ methods. Methods which won't involve asking nicely," the man threatened in a quiet monotone. This phrase was met with a pair of defiant crystal eyes.

"I don't CARE! I'll never betray my village. Did you hear me? NEVER!" Naruto screamed back, and the man once again barely contained the wince as his eardrums burst.

"If that's your answer, we'll start tomorrow. Have a nice night, Uzumaki." The man got up from his chair and stalked out of the room, slamming the steel door behind him.

He stomped down the corridor outside. "Stupid stubborn Uzumaki, making my job difficult…" he muttered to himself, only to suddenly come to a halt when a familiar old dictator made his presence known with a clearing of his throat.

"Danzo-sama!" the man cried and knelt down on one knee. "The prisoner won't break. We will have to use torture." A cruel smile twisted Shimura Danzo's lips.

"Very well. Report to me in a weeks' time," Danzo commanded.

"Hai."

ー ナルトー ナルトー ナルトー ナルトー ナルトー

The same brown haired man knelt in front of the very same leader of the ROOT, this time with a frown on his face.

"Danzo-sama. Nothing's working. We have tried beating, electrocution, mind games, every kind of physical abuse listed in the book. I don't think we can interrogate him," the man reported. Danzo watched the man carefully.

"In that case, I shall lead the interrogation tomorrow. I will need this-" Danzo quickly tore off a sheet of paper and wrote a few words down hastily, "-prepared for the interrogation."

The man took the paper and read it as he went to get the items requested.

_What the…_

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The next day saw Danzo sitting in front of Naruto with a cup of instant ramen in hand, slurping up the savoury noodles with a pair of chopsticks. The man with chocolate locks stood to attention, again barely retaining the urge to sweat drop as the young Uzumaki's cries filled the room.

"Not that! Anything but that!" Naruto practically sobbed with all the pain and fear of a man being tortured – with actual torture. Once the ramen cup had been set down – Naruto having made through without spilling any information by the tips of his fingers – Danzo spoke once more.

"I will require one more of these. Miso flavour please."

"NOOOOOO! ANYTHING BUT MISO FLAVOUR!"

The man swept out of the room and this time did sweatdrop. A few more days of this and they would have the information easily.

ー ナルトー ナルトー ナルトー ナルトー ナルトー

**Completely random, I know. Feel free to point out any mistakes. There's a small button down there that says 'Review'. Please do; it would make my day!**

EDIT 1* [4/12/14]: A little formatting plus down below.

I know no one will read this but I feel the need to get this out there. There have been a few reviews that I would like to reply to.

Guest: I'm sorry if you feel that way, and perhaps they are overdone. I myself have only read one other thus far, and in different circumstances, so I decided to do one myself. Honestly, I am not a very humorous person; the most I can do is sarcasm, hence you would be hard-pressed to get some original humour out of me. Add that to the fact that I rarely get (well, I do get jokes, but I rarely find them funny) jokes, and you've got a chance of zero to nil of getting any humour out of me. I understand that you are not very pleased with my 'inspired' sense of humour but I would appreciate it if you could get the point across in a more polite manner and in one that does not involve swearing at me. I chose not to moderate guest reviews because I trust people not to be quite so rude, but you have given me reason to rethink my decision.

Willow-hime: Thanks for the encouragement! It really means a lot to me. I was afraid Naruto would be a tad OOC, so thanks again.

Flareose - Knifepoint Entry: I can't remember whether or not I replied to you in a PM, so I will do so here. Again, I really appreciate it when people like my work. Admittedly, it makes me feel a slight guilty when I realise that I barely spent any time (compared to other writers) on the work, and then I feel like I should go over it and improve it again. Thanks for the review!

B: That was the intended effect. :D


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